Strap yourselves in because this one’s a doozy. ![]() Fight, feed, use your sweet vampire powers, and figure out what is going on in Bloodlines. You’re a pawn in a greater game to the elders, just trying to survive. ![]() You play as a newly turned Vampire, thrust into a world of generations old politics, rivalry, and violence in the city of Los Angeles. A world where all of these monsters are quite real in the modern day - well the jury’s still out on the Boogie Man– and they hide from humanity while preying on it. Have you ever had a nightmare? What was it that was chasing you down the halls of your mind? Was it a vampire, a horde of zombies, maybe a werewolf, the ghost of a bitter relative, the Boogie Man? The World of Darkness is a place where a bad dream of these things would not be ill-founded. Every world has got a boss and this game has got some crazy bosses. These obstacles range from spikes, to water, jump pads, to walls that can only be destroyed by lighting them on fire with your own flaming body. Each level requires you to go through a bunch of obstacles that become increasingly difficult to navigate in order to reach a time portal that leads to the next level. If that doesn’t grab your attention right there then this game has got nothing for you. You play as a dude using a laser cannon as a jetpack who uses it to travel through time. the plot is incredibly difficult to follow because they game takes full advantage of the multiple universe and time travel heavy setting it takes place in. The game just keeps getting sillier and sillier, I keep playing just to see the crazy stuff that’s gonna happen next. As a platformer puzzle game with plenty of checkpoints it’s totally possible to brute force a solution and continue on. Although No Time to Explain can be quite difficult it’s never unfair. If you’re not familiar with the masochism simulator of a game I Wanna Be the Guy is then all you need to know is that it’s hard. It’s 2011 competition was Bastion (PC), From Dust (PC), and Temple Run (iOS). No Time to Explain was released on August 15th, 2011 and a Remastered version was released on July 17th, 2015. They started a Kickstarter to fund this full version and they raised $26,000 - $19,000 more than their $7,000 goal. After it garnered a couple of thousands of plays Brien contacted Alex Nichiporchik and formed tinyBuild Games to make a larger full release. ![]() No Time to Explain started out as a flash game on Newgrounds by Tom Brien. It certainly doesn’t hurt that they’re almost always around to help. I don’t know why the world is populated by golems with Easter island heads but I like it. ![]() The boss theme always got me pumped and ready to dish out some damage - whether that was strictly possible or not. It’s memorable enough that I still have a few of the tunes rattling around in my noggin - I still remember the Batland theme. Spike can also buy and find cards that can do all sorts of stuff like healing him or helping him deal more damage. Spike also explores dungeons avoiding traps and searching for keys - Legend of Zelda style. He can attack by throwing his hat and spinning his cape - but if he spins too man times he’ll lose his balance. The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang consists of a Vampire in a blue onesie and a top hat on an isometric plane jumping around and beating up sentient onions and other weird monsters. There was only one word that I remembered from the title, ‘Twist’. Before the internet’s day it was hard to find but as the compilation of useless information grew in size I was able to find the game at last, play it, and finish it. It all went downhill from there. I got stuck before I finished the first chapter but that just made me want to beat it more. I rented it once when I was a young and impressionable child and loved it - but you know… kids are stupid. This game was the one that got away for me. It’s competition was Super Metroid (SNES), Sonic the Hedgehog (Sega Genesis), and Final Fantasy VI (SNES). The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang was released in June of 1994.
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